Crap-o-rama

My friend's father just passed away suddenly. He was 73. He was kind, gentle, smart, generous and loving. Son # 1 he spoke to all the time and son # 2 he hasn't spoken to in over a year.

The Mom called son # 1 and told him his Dad was in the hospital and it was bad and he needed to be there - he left right away. Mom called son # 2 to tell him about his Dad's passing and he wasn't home. Mom asked her daughter-in-law (whom she hadn't spoken to in over a year also) if there was a cell phone where son #2 could be reached. There wasn't. Son # 2 called the hospital a short time later. During the phone call informing son # 2 of his Dad's passing some family bitterness reared its ugly head again.

Something like this:

"How come you didn't just tell my wife."

"I wanted to tell you myself that your father just passed away."

"You're just holding a grudge and being disrespectful to my wife."

"I am not going to have this conversation with you, I don't have the energy. I just wanted to be the one to tell my son his father passed away."

There is a lot of background to this story, but really, does it matter? What I will tell you is that each person was waiting for the other to call and make a mends. One family split into two sides.

I am so sad for this family. Son # 2 has five kids ranging in age from two to 11. Five kids. Five innocent bystanders to this tragedy who haven't seen there Grandfather in over a year - and now will never see him again.

I suppose this family could be any of ours. The family spat could happen in any of our families.

At the end of every visit, every phone call and every night (for my husband and my son) I tell my family that I love them. I think I started this tradition in my family years and years ago. I didn't feel like we said it enough, so I started saying it; to my Mom, my brother, my nephew and now we all say it to each other all the time almost without fail. "I love you" is the last thing I say to my husband every night ... well not every night, sometimes it's "I love you, too." I get such a thrill when I hear my husband say, every night to our son, "Daddy loves you" as he kisses his little forehead before he goes in his crib.

I know this sounds corny. Sorry. But, make sure you tell the people around you how you feel about them today. Hell, do it tomorrow too, and the next day.

We don't know when the time we have in our physical bodies is up. Don't let something positive go unsaid. Don't let pride harbor your ability to contact someone you may be at odds with, especially your family.

In memory of David Fortune - you will be missed.