Tuesday, September 05, 2006

If people would quit asking...

...me if it is hard leaving Hunter in daycare today, I'm sure I could stop crying.

I should have only worked a 1/2 a day today...

Pumping at work can be a real "let-down"

Okay, so today is my first day back to work. I had Hunter June 14th, but was put on bed rest June 6th, so I have been gone for 3 months. Gone for three months from a job I only had for a month. It is also a job I had to take so I wouldn't get laid-off from my old job. (long story, maybe someday I will share it) So needless to say, it's not my ideal job situation. Today was also Hunter's first day in daycare.

I like to have a plan for everything and this was no different. I was trying to get a plan together but somehow I was feeling just left of completely frazzled.

How come this is what was on Yahoo this morning after I logged onto my computer AT WORK?
Back to work, mom
"For new moms going back to work after maternity leave, planning is everything."
Hello... a few days ago this would have been helpful!! Today it's just spiteful.

Anyway.... I wasn't really worried about Hunter going to daycare, my anxiety was coming from pumping breastmilk at work so I could continue to breastfeed Hunter. Hunter has been supplemented with formula since he was 2 weeks old. I know he can take a bottle and a breast and go back and forth (we're fortunate). Again it's not Hunter I was worried about. Originally I just wanted to be able to breastfeed for at least 3 months. Now that 3 months has come and just about gone, I would like to breastfeed him for at least 6 months. I just thing the health benefits are too numerous to ignore.

Well, I had myself pretty worked up. I was so worked up about it I was having a hard time even pumping at home for the last couple of days. I was getting hardly any milk, I was certain my "let-down" reflex would freeze up on me at work, I thought Hunter would have to switch to formula, I was worrying myself into a tizzy. Not normally my style. I think I had 'performance anxiety'… is this how men feel??

I spent some time on the Internet last night searching for "let-down" tips at work. I was certain no milk was coming out of these babies while I was at work. I even took a picture of Hunter breastfeeding from my perspective with my cell phone... just in case. The best tip I found was to relax (duh?!) and try to do something else like catch up on emails or something. Also, don't keep looking down at the bottle and the progress, just let it happen.

Remember when I said I wasn't that worried about Hunter going to daycare... well I cried like a baby and was completely blind-sided by it. I was fine until I saw this poor little boy, he was probably 18 months or so, he was just sobbing. I lost it. The daycare workers kept asked me if I was going to be okay. Hunter was fine, and I knew he would be. I had no idea his Mommy would completely lose it.

On the up side, I just finished pumping... 4 1/2 ounces BABY!! Performance anxiety... pfft.

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